called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
