is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
