another moral hangover. fuck.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
