I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So vagazzling was a success
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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