"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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