So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
