OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize