we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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