Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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