So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
