note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
