I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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