oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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