you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
