he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize