Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
