wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
