im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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