I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
