you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Congratulations! We have a period
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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