dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
