He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
id be glad to
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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