A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
