There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
