Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Alive.
So much puke
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
