His pubic hair was longer than his dick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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