i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
