I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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