We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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