Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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