Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
