the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
