I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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