In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
