So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
