I smell stomach acid.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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