Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
