Porn is love you can see.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
