By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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