Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize