I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
