just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
