Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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