The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I bet he comes in French.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
