he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
