I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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