U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
