There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
