turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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