You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
