dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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