You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
