You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
