My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When are your genitals available?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
