I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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