The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We talked him into tasing himself.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
