Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
