Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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