Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
