wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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