He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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