ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
