i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
