you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
