Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
