I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
