Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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