i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
