oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
