he puts the penis in happiness.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
