and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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