we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
