so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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