Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
